More Pet Peeves about Romances
More Pet Peeves about Romances
I've done a few of these in the past, e.g., Romance Pet Peeves and Dubious Consent, and they're always long, so consider yourself warned.
Virgins and Virginity
New adult (NA) or young adult (YA) stories are generally not to my taste. Maybe it's because I've forgotten my own life and feelings at those ages, or maybe it's because I never had any of my own kids to treat as social science experiments, er, raise, so I don't find stories about them interesting.
Therefore, when I run across a character in their late 20s or older who is still a virgin, they're not very believable to me, unless the author is clever about it. Sadly, it's too often used as a cheap plot device as a way to keep the love interests apart, and the implied imbalance between the lovers leaves me cold.
Popular religions place enormous emphasis on chastity in general, especially female. I expect it's partly to do with natural selection, where mating behaviors favor successful genetics, but it's also partly to do with the history of regarding females as commodities. Females bear the offspring, so controlling them ensures lineage. (Never mind that they're smart, autonomous entities in their own right…)
Physiological barriers notwithstanding, the act of intercourse isn't that remarkable — tab A into slot B, and all that. With very few exceptions, most people I've ever talked to about sex agree the first time is usually awkward and mistimed. Like anything else, it takes practice to get it right.
So when authors write about transcendent sex with a virgin, I tend to roll my eyes. Loving your partner does not inherently make mind-blowing orgasms. Show me how the lovers discover and overcome their experiential differences, and I’m right there with you. Wave a magic wand and call it “the power of love,” and I’m paging forward until the more believable plot picks up again.
What Size Do You Wear?
Maybe it's just my bad luck, but I've recently read a plethora of stories where, for various reasons, men buy clothes for the woman they just met… and the clothes fit. I call BS.
Unless he happens to be a woman's clothing designer, a man raised in Western civilization has nada, zip, zero ability in this area. In my life, the resident mad scientist is a paragon among men, but he walks into the store, buys pants in his size, and leaves. He has no idea that for women, the numbers/letters on the tags can't be trusted at all, or that a jacket that looks good on the hanger is such a bad fabric choice that it looks dreadful when actually worn, or that bras are as idiosyncratic as the boobs they're meant to support. And don't even get me started about women's shoes, a.k.a. torture booties.
Oh, and by the way, no free passes if the man is a centuries-old shifter or vampire male. Long life doesn't magically grant shopping skills.
As a minor sub-peeve, I'm thoroughly perplexed when a woman is embarrassed knowing that a man has been in her underwear drawer. I don't know if the woman thinks the man is judging her about the size or the general quality of her lingerie (hah! see above paragraphs), but some characters are nearly phobic about it. If I'm in the hospital, or hiding from enemies in a secret lair, or am about to embark on an intergalactic trip, I'd just grateful that someone was kind enough to bring me my own clean, comfortable clothes.
What Size Do You Like?
This is about male anatomy. I'll try to use circumspect language get my point across. When an author obsesses about size of naughty bits, it throws me right out of the story. It's like this weird one-upsmanship to make the size of “tab A” bigger and bigger—including actual measurements. I have one word for it: Ouch!
Note to authors who write sex on the page: It's not the size of the tool, it's what the user of the tool does with it.
Bonus Rant: Dubious Consent, Again
Dear Romance Authors,
Hi. It's your buddy, Carol, who is an author, but she's also a reader.
Why the hell do we need to have yet another conversation about dubious consent?
After the Harvey Weinstein meltdown and the long-overdue, righteous wave of #metoo stories, you'd think we'd be better at this.
But no, we're still stuck with supposed love interests who use each other (“I'll put him on my team so I can ruin his father”) or extract horrendous bargains (“I'll save your brother's life if you have sex with me for a day/week/month”), and who nevertheless somehow end up together in a happily ever after. This is just another face of the 12-sided die of dubious consent. Slavery isn't consent; it's coercion.
I hope that you'll take my plea to heart and lead the way to show readers that informed, enthusiastic consent isn't just powerfully sexy, or the right thing to do, it should be the expected thing to do. If not, I won't you out by name/title or leave one-star reviews, because I'm not objective about this. Instead, I'll leave it to enlightened readers who will, I profoundly hope, vote with their one-click fingers and find someone else's books to buy. It might take time, because humans are a contrary, recalcitrant species, but we'll get there, with our without you.
Hopefully yours,
Carol
Okay, I'm putting away my curmudgeon hat. If I've seriously harshed your mellow, please go find some funny videos of cats and dogs to help put you in a better mood.
You hit some of mine. I really hate pages and pages of sex. I role my eyes, skim and thing REALLY!
I know, right? If it’s furthering the plot, and we’re learning emotional things about the character, then sure, but I’ll skip right past gratuitous interludes.
I can’t agree more!
I have decided, with no evidence what so ever, that certain authors go to author hangouts and write sex scenes, many, many sex scenes. Then they put them in a file to pull out and plug into any old book they happen to be writing at the time. They might even trade them amongst themselves. Since the scenes themselves have nothing to do with the plot, all they have to do is change the names.
It’s sad really. There are some good plots with decent writing and then 1/2 the book is sex that adds nothing. Sigh. Once I figure out it’s boiler plate sex that doesn’t forward the plot, I don’t even skim, I just skip it.
I also agree with the rest: men buying women’s clothes, size of “member”, chastity/sex and women as property, and consent.
Thank you for being the brilliant writer that you are. Your characters are whole people and your plots are wonderfully complex. I have been introducing you to friends through “Pet Trade” as many of my friends haven’t ever been properly introduced to science fiction. Those introductions have been successful so far and I FINALLY have people to talk to about your books.
Thanks!
Lynn,
I love the idea of a secret hangout where romance authors write a bunch of sex scenes so they’ll have them when their current WIP outline says “they have sex,” but the writer isn’t in a mood to write it. 😉
Thank you for the kind comments about my stories, and I’m glad Pet Trade is converting more people to science fiction romance. The more the merrier!
Hey, Carol. I learned about SFR by buying Pets In Space 1 to support my friend, Alexis Glynn Latner, who contributed a story to the anthology. Through their stories, I “met” a bunch of authors I would never have heard of otherwise, in a genre that ends up being more fun and engaging than I would have imagined. Discovered you in advanced notice for PETS 3, and greatly enjoyed your hilarious Pet Peeves about Romances (Pets seem to be a recurring theme). Looking forward to reading your contribution to the new anthology!
Gary,
Thanks for taking the trouble to find us authors from Pets in Space, and exploring more science fiction romance. I liked Alexis’s story, so I’m glad she’s back for Pets in Space 3. I’m writing my new story for it right now. It has fewer pets than PET TRADE, which isn’t hard, because that story had 17 (I may have gotten a little carried away).